1Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
Today’s passage is first to wives and then to husbands. (The last verse is to husbands.) The passage starts out, “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands…” Peter says, “in the same way.” What way is the “same way?” It’s the same way that all of us are submissive to the governing authorities. In chapter 2, verse 13 Peter says, “Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every authority instituted among men.” He is referring to the governing authorities. And, it’s for the Lord’s sake that you submit—that we submit!
Also, in chapter 2, verse 18 Peter says, “Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect.” He tells us to do this not only if our masters (or our bosses, or any others who have authority over us) are good and considerate, but even if they treat us harshly. If we do this, we are following the example of Christ who suffered for us and set an example for us to follow in his footsteps: “To this you were called (to suffer for doing good, that is), because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. ‘He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.’ When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.” (1 Peter 2:21-24) And I talked about that three weeks ago, and that’s the way our attitudes should be.
Now, if you think I’m saying that wives should submit to their husbands even when they treat their wives unjustly or abusively, you’re absolutely right. That’s what I’m saying. I’m saying—it may sound unreasonable—but I’m saying it because that’s what the word of God says. The word of God applies to submitting to the governing authorities and to those who have authority over us in the workplace (“Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh.” —1 Peter 2:18). (But right now I’m talking about wives. I’ll say more about husbands in a little bit. Peter has something to say about husbands, too.)
Before I go on, I want to say a little more about submission and about the way God views us. I know that we, especially in the United States, think it’s degrading, humiliating to submit to anyone—that, somehow, it makes you less than human if you have to submit to anyone. But that’s in our view and not God’s. God views all of us as equal. Listen to what the apostle Paul has to say (and again, speaking by the Holy Spirit, so this is the word of God). This is from Galatians 3:26-29:
26You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, 27for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. 28There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 29If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise. (Galatians 3:26-29 –NIV)
Do you believe that you have a lower status before God if you submit to other people? No way! Not a chance! You are all sons of God (and sons includes daughters too, by the way—really, it means children—children of God). We are all children of God through faith in Christ Jesus! There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for we are all one in Christ Jesus! Also, there is no Scythian or barbarian in Christ. Christ is all and is in all! That’s according to Colossians 3:11. God does not look at race or ethnic background. Jesus entrusted himself to the one who judges justly. He submitted himself to his Father in heaven. It was Satan the devil who wanted to make himself equal with God. Jesus, though he, himself, was in his very nature God, didn’t consider equality with God something to be held on to. He emptied himself and he made himself nothing. It’s Satan the devil that doesn’t want to submit to anyone. Should we follow Satan or should we follow Jesus? Jesus loved us and died for us. (He still loves us, too!)
Now let’s get back to the passage. Peter is telling us that we can only be submissive by trusting God who tells us to be submissive. Jesus taught all through his ministry on earth that it is faith that God wants to see in us. He wants us to trust him. That’s what God wants us to do.
But how can you make yourself trust God? Can you make yourself trust God? When you travel in an airliner, you entrust yourself to the pilots. You don’t even see them, but you assume that they are there and trust them to get you to where you are going in one piece. (They probably don’t judge justly, either—like our God and Father does.) And even when you ride in a car, you are entrusting your life to the driver. Even nonbelievers do this. But how can you make yourself trust God?
I know a man who, a while back, said that he had been struggling considerably trying to figure out how he could make himself ‘believe’. Then, at some point, he said, “I’ll just believe.” And after that, he believed! How does that work? Actually, in case you don’t already know, we don’t make ourselves believe and we can’t make ourselves believe. We aren’t able to. But God gives us faith as a gift so that we believe. We are saved by grace so that no one can boast. It’s the gift of God. God doesn’t want you to say, “I did it myself.” He wants you to say, “God did it for me! He saved me!” You can’t save yourself. Only God can save you. And that’s the reality.
At the beginning of his letter, Peter says that he is writing to God’s elect—to those whom God has chosen—scattered in a bunch of places which he names (and I’m not going to name), and chosen by God the father through the sanctifying work of the Spirit for obedience to Jesus Christ and sprinkling by his blood (sprinkling by his blood is cleansing from sin –1 Peter 1:1,2). Also, according to 1 Peter 1:3, the next verse, God, in his great mercy, has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. The reason we have this “living hope” is that God has given us the “new birth.” The reason we are even interested at all in what Peter has to say to us is that God has given us new birth into a living hope! I’m sure the reason that my friend that I mentioned was struggling to make himself believe—that he wanted so much to make himself believe—is that he really already believed.
So, wives, in the same way (that is, by entrusting yourselves to God), be submissive to your husbands so that if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives. This goes back to what Peter said in chapter 2 verse 12: “Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.” Wives, if your husband is not a believer, Peter is telling you to consider yourself responsible for his salvation—to consider that it is in your hands whether he has eternal life or is eternally condemned.
Furthermore, while the NIV translates verse 1 as, “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,” verse 1 literally says, “Wives, be submissive to your own husbands, so that if any do not believe the word, they may be won over by the behavior of the wives.”—of the wives, not of their wives—they may be won over by the behavior of the wives—not their wives, but the wives. The NIV translators substituted “their wives” for “the wives.” They also left out the word own—be submissive to your own husbands. Wives, what Peter is telling you is that by your behavior toward your own husband, whether he is a believer or not, you may win (or lose) the salvation of other unbelieving husbands, not just your own husband. The way you relate to your own husband—your behavior toward your own husband—not only affects your own husband, but also all of the other husbands who observe you. If any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of the wives, when they see the reverence and purity of your lives. You are not only to consider yourself responsible for the salvation of your own husband, but for others as well!
Wives, here’s what to do. And this is not me speaking, nor is it even Peter, but the Holy Spirit of God speaking through Peter: Make your beauty come, not from the way you look outwardly, but from what is inside of you, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth in God’s sight. I looked up the adjective that’s translated of great worth in a lexicon. It gave the meaning of great worth. But it also said that, in referring to people, it meant lavish or extravagant. So, do you want to be lavish and extravagant in what you do before God, in his sight? Have a gentle and quiet spirit. (And that applies to husbands, I think, too. But this is written to wives.)
In verse 5, Peter tells us that the holy women in the past who put their hope in God made themselves beautiful by being submissive to their own husbands. And this verse says more than just that there were some women in the past who made themselves beautiful by being submissive to their husbands. It also says that these women were holy women and that they put their hope in God. When you consider Peter’s teaching, where is your hope? Are you putting your hope in God, or is it somewhere else? Put your hope in God!
Peter uses Sarah as an example of this. (verse 6) Sarah obeyed Abraham and called him her master. Literally, she called him lord. It’s not part of our present culture, to call anyone ‘lord’. But try to think what might be equivalent to it today. Children used to be taught to call their parents and other adults “sir” and “ma’am” to show respect. Wives, how do you speak to your husbands to show respect?
Peter’s last statement to the wives is this: “You are her (Sarah’s) daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. Doing what is right in this case is submitting to your husband as Sarah did. Giving way to fear is not trusting God. Sarah had her hope in God. Where is your hope? (By the way, when Sarah came with Abraham to Canaan and then went down into Egypt, she was no young girl—at least well into middle age by our reckoning—but she was a very beautiful woman. Both Abraham and the Egyptians thought so (see Genesis 12:11-15) Why do you think she was so beautiful? Well, I just talked about it?)
Now, let’s go on to verse 7. Verse 7 is Peter’s word to husbands—believing husbands, in this case: “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” Even though Peter has devoted only one verse to husbands, there is still quite a bit in it. (God has more to say to husbands than what’s in this one verse, but he has said most of it through the apostle Paul. I’ll say more about it in just a minute.)
When Peter says to husbands, “In the same way be considerate as you live with your wives.” He is using the same phrase as he used in speaking to the wives: “In the same way.” That way is the way of trusting God and following the example of Jesus. “Being considerate” actually means taking into consideration who your wife really is—that is, who she really is in God’s eyes. Peter’s phrase, “so that nothing will hinder your prayers,” tells us that if you are not taking into consideration who your wife really is, you are sinning and disobeying God. He won’t help you to pray and he won’t listen to your prayers, unless, of course, it’s a prayer of repentance. He always listens to that kind of prayer. Nevertheless, I believe that whether or not God hears our prayers has everything to do with obedience to God. So, husbands, treat your wives with respect!
Who is your wife in God’s eyes? In the Jewish culture, inheritances were generally passed on to sons. Daughters didn’t usually inherit property. But, in God’s kingdom, believing wives have the same inheritance as their husbands—“an inheritance that can never perish spoil or fade, kept in heaven” (1 Peter 1:4), and “praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed” (1 Peter 1:7), and the salvation of their souls (1 Peter 1:9), and the gift of life (verse 7 in today’s passage). Right now, in this present life, your wife is the “weaker partner,” so you must treat her with respect, literally, give her honor—that is, treat her as something very precious, which is what she is! She is your fellow heir!
As I’ve already said, these days, when we talk about submission and serving, we think that these are degrading things. These things somehow make us less than human. But Jesus came, not to be served, but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many. (Mark 10:45) The truth is that submission and serving make you more than human, not less than human. They make you like Jesus! Husbands, love your wives. I mentioned that God had a lot more to say about husbands than what he said through Peter. The apostle Paul says, “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (Eph. 5:25) I going to quote the entire passage. It’s Ephesians 5:25-33:
25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32This is a profound mystery— but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Eph. 5:25-33 – NIV)
I’m not going to say too much about this passage, but the apostle Paul (speaking by the Holy Spirit) said, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Jesus died! He gave up his life for the church! That’s us! That’s how we know what love is! Do you know what love is? Listen while I read what the apostle John says about it:
16This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. 17If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? 18Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. (1 John 3:16-18)
Now I’m going to read what Paul said immediately before the passage I just read from Ephesians—husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church. This is from Ephesians 5:22 through 24:
22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. (Eph. 5:22-24 –NIV)
I’m going to say just one more thing before I finish. What I’m going to say I’m going to say because it’s what I’ve heard many times when this issue of husbands and wives is brought up. The wife will say, “But he isn’t doing his part,” or the husband will say, “But she isn’t doing her part.” God has given commands to husbands and wives. Husbands, the command to love your wife is not conditional. It does not depend on what your wife does or doesn’t do. It’s unconditional. Jesus died for our sins when we hated God. His love and mercy were unconditional. “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Rom. 5:8) It did not depend on what we did or didn’t do! And wives, the command is to submit to your husband as to the Lord. And it doesn’t depend on what your husband does or doesn’t do!
I just want to say one more thing to husbands. Jesus was Lord and master. But he said to his disciples, “I came to serve you, not to be served. Even though I am your master and I’m you teacher, I didn’t come to be served, but to serve and to give up my life as a ransom for you (and for many others). So you, husbands, you’re not there for your wife to serve you. Your there to serve her, even though you’re supposed to be her leader and teacher. By the way you live and the way you treat her, she will be open to the word of God which you are supposed to teach her. This is for believing husbands! There are a lot of unbelieving husbands, and God’s command to the wives of unbelieving husbands is, “Live your lives in obedience to God by trusting him and let your beauty come through that. That’s the way to win your husband.
Three weeks ago, I mentioned that there was a provision in the Law of Moses for a slave, who would normally have to be freed after six years of service, to decide that because he loved his master and his family, he would serve his master for life instead of being freed after six years. Do you think that anyone ever actually did this? I think they did. We think that the prospect of serving anyone for life sounds like a bad deal. We think that serving goes only one direction—that the one who does the submitting does the serving. That’s the world’s way of thinking. Jesus served us by giving his life for us and we ought to do the same for each other. God’s way is so much better than man’s way. Jesus is our Lord and Master, but he gave his life for us. Jesus is our Lord and Master, so he gave his life for us. He loves us. He put his love in our hearts. Though we have not seen him, we love him.
[Prayer]