Dear Brothers and Sisters,

You are invited to come to the Wednesday evening prayer meeting and pray for the church (and other things -- 7:00 PM Wed., LHF time).

"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." (Eph. 6:4)

All of the book of Ephesians is about the Church -- and ultimately about Jesus Christ, who is the head of the body and the chief cornerstone of the building (Eph. 2:19-22; 4:15,16). God, who fulfills and completes everything in every way, put all things under Jesus for the Church. We are the Church. The Spirit of God is working in us, through the word of God, to perfect us to be "the overflowing abundance, the wealth beyond measure and the full and perfect nature" of God. We must believe that God, who made the heavens and the earth and everything in them, including us, and who redeemed us from his wrath through the cross of Christ, is able to make his Church perfect. Ephesians is about the Church.

Ephesians is also about relationships -- relationships between us and Christ and relationships among members of his body, the Church. In Eph. 5:22-6:4, the apostle Paul, inspired by the Holy Spirit, tells us about the relationship between husbands and wives and between parents and children. God's purpose is for these relationships is also to reveal his full and perfect nature.

Today's text, Eph. 6:4 says, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." This verse immediately follows the three verses telling children to obey their parents and to honor their fathers and mothers. First we are told to obey our parents. Then fathers are told to not exasperate their children but to bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. One obvious desired result of bringing our children up in the training and instruction of the Lord is for them to honor their fathers and mothers by being obedient. I think that it may be that the reason we are told first to honor our fathers and mothers is so that we can provide an example for our own children to honor their father and mother. As Christ is our example in his obedience to his Father in heaven, he wants us to be examples to our own children for them to be obedient to us -- and ultimately to be obedient to God. I'll say more about being examples later.

Now look at Eph. 6:4 again, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." According to Eph. 6:4, God gives us, as fathers, a choice between two alternatives. Either: 1) We can exasperate our children; or 2) we can bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Why did Paul give exasperation for our children as the only alternative to bringing them up in the training and instruction of the Lord? And what does it actually mean to exasperate? What is the training of the Lord and what is the instruction of the Lord? Let's consider these one at a time.

First, what does it mean to exasperate? The dictionary says that to exasperate is to make very annoyed or to irritate to the point of infuriation. Some bible translations say "provoke to anger" instead of "exasperate." But, in any case, why does it exasperate children if fathers don't bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord? Paul doesn't really say. But maybe that's because he thought it was obvious. For one thing, if anyone is undisciplined (which is the same as untrained in the sense that the word "training" is used in Eph. 6:4, as I'll explain in a minute) -- if anyone is undisciplined, as we can all know by practical observation, he is likely to be exasperated or provoked to anger by practically anything that isn't exactly the way he wants it. Also, inconsistent discipline leads to frustration and exasperation. If you, as a child, are not disciplined in a consistent way, you never know what to expect. You can never learn to know the heart of the one who is training and disciplining you. You will always be frustrated. As a father (or as a mother -- I think Paul addresses this verse to fathers because fathers have the overall responsibility for disciplining children, but the teaching is for mothers also.) -- so as a father or as a mother, do not discipline out of frustration or in a fit of anger or with any attitude of taking vengeance. If you do, your discipline will certainly not be consistent. Obviously, the purpose of discipline is not to vent you frustration but to make you son or daughter obedient, mature and godly.

Now lets talk about what the word training (or discipline) means. To try to make the meaning of the word clearer, I'm going to quote several passages where the same Greek word is used that Paul used in Eph. 6:4 so that you can see it used in context. For the Old Testament passages, I referred to the Septuagint, which is the Greek translation of the Old Testament that was in use in Jesus's time and in the time of the early church. The first passage, which happens to include a quote from the Old Testament, is from Hebrews chapter 12 verses 5 through 11. Here it is:

"'My son, do not make light of the Lord's DISCIPLINE, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord DISCIPLINES those he loves, and punishes everyone he accepts as a son.' Endure hardship as DISCIPLINE; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not DISCIPLINED by his father? If you are not DISCIPLINED (and everyone undergoes DISCIPLINE), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who DISCIPLINED us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers DISCIPLINED us for a little while as they though best; but God DISCIPLINES us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No DISCIPLINE seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." (Heb. 12:5-11)

Maybe you've figured out by now that, in picking this passage, I had more in mind that just giving an example where the Greek word for discipline was used. The passage shows the result of discipline -- a harvest of righteousness and peace. But here are some more quotes from Proverbs:

"He who spares the rod HATES his son, but he who loves him is careful to DISCIPLINE him." (Prov. 13:24)

"DISCIPLINE your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his DEATH." (Prov. 19:18)

"Do not withhold DISCIPLINE from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death." (Prov. 23:13,14)

Discipline you child and save his soul from death. Love him. Do not hate him. Godly discipline (the "training of the Lord") never leads to exasperation, but produces a harvest of righteousness and peace.

Eph. 6:4 says, "...bring them up in the training and INSTRUCTION of the Lord." What is the instruction of the Lord and how do we go about bringing up our children in the instruction of the Lord? I believe "instruction of the Lord" certainly refers to instruction in the word of God. I'd like to quote from a passage that I thought was important when my kids were still living at home. It's from Deuteronomy where Moses reiterated the Ten Commandments to the people of Israel. Here it is:

"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your CHILDREN. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates." (Deut. 6:4-9)

The word of the Lord brings life. (Incidentally, how many of you have read Psalm 119 as Bill instructed us a couple of Sundays ago? I'll confess: I've read less than half of it so far.)

The word of God is vital. It's very important to talk about it. But, its absolutely essential for parents to live it before their children. One incident during childhood can plant a lifelong principle in the heart of any person. Let all the examples you set be holy. The apostle Paul has told us to follow his example as he followed the example of Christ (1 Cor. 11:1). Jesus did not come to be served, but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many. (Mark 10:45) The apostle Peter tells us to follow the example of Christ in his suffering. He says: "To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. He committed no sin and no deceit was found in his mouth." (1 Pet. 2:21,22) Follow the example of Christ.

Everything written in Ephesians tells us how to live as examples before our children. Listen:

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace"

"Do not let anything unwholesome come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up..."

"Get rid of all rage and anger, brawling and slander along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Be imitators of God ... and live a life of love."

"But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or any kind of impurity or of greed."

"Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking."

"Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord."

"Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy."

When you do these things you are setting a godly example for your children. When you fail in any of these things, you can still set a good example for your children. Do not cover up or make excuses for your failure. Admit that you have disobeyed God. Children easily see through excuses. If you cover up and make excuses, you will teach your children to cover up and make excuses. If you are honest and confess your sins, you will teach your children to be honest and confess their sins. And God will forgive their sins. (Incidentally, if you punish your children inconsistently or out of frustration or anger, you will be encouraging them to lie.)

Finally, for any of this to work, you have to spend time with your children. In times past when people lived on farms or worked in their homes, they were with their children most of the time. These days, parents spend a lot of time away from home. The idea of spending a Saturday afternoon of "quality time," where you focus all of your attention on one of your kids, is a bunch of baloney. They will see you in an artificial environment. They won't see how you interact with the "real world." You need to be with them several hour a day. All time needs to be quality time.

In summary, you are like God to your children. He has given you the responsibility of training and instructing them. And everything you do is training and instruction to them. The way you relate to them will affect the way they relate to God. The way they view you will be the way they will view God. It's an awesome responsibility given by an awesome God. If you think you are doing a good job of it, don't boast about your kids or compare them with other peoples kids. (I'm not talking about doing this in front of your kids, but in front of other parents.) In everything, give glory to God and thank him for what he has given you. But know that he also holds your children in his hands just as he holds you in his hands.

There's much more that I could say, but I'll stop now. Praise the Lord for our sons and daughters.

Come on Wednesday and pray for the Church. The Church is the overflowing abundance, the wealth beyond measure and the full and perfect nature of God who fulfills and completes everything in every way.

Grace and peace,
Dean Svoboda

PS: You can also bring you own prayer requests and pray for them with your brothers and sisters in Christ (i.e., with the Church). Bring your requests to God with thanksgiving and receive his peace.

PPS: Pass this invitation along to others in your household or to someone who doesn't have an e-mail address in the LHF directory